FAQs, Values and A Long Preamble

Image by Joshua Miranda from Pixabay

Welcome, folks.

I am noticing my tendency to keep gathering or writing the same forewarnings whenever I write an article. So if you’re reading any of my articles on Dominant Discourse and wondering:

• “Why does he use that word like that?”
• “Did he really mean property? But all submissives aren’t owned. I surely am not!”
• “But I’m a Dominant and don’t like topping!!!”
• “Should I use kink as a therapy replacement because he said it could help?” (Spoiler: no)

This is your go-to glossary, disclaimer, and philosophical anchoring point. If something seems off, lacking context, or makes you squint for a second too long, please check here before assuming I’ve gone full megalomaniac.

With that said… let’s get to it.

On language and titles

I may use terms like “Sir,” “Master,” and “Dom” more often as examples because I am a Dominant man, and these are the words that live at the tip of my tongue. I am not declaring that all Dominants must be men. That would be absurd. There are femmes who will absolutely bring you to your knees, and rightly so. There are nonbinary folks out here running rituals that would make my protocols look like free play. We good? Good.

Similarly:

• I know that Top ≠ Dom and bottom ≠ sub.
• I know that sadist ≠ Dominant and masochist ≠ submissive.
• I know that “slave” is a loaded word with specific meaning in certain dynamics and that it comes with a painful history that still impactsand affects many.

Sometimes these terms can seem a bit blurry when I use them to enhance readability. Sometimes I might generalize when talking about scenes, and use “sub” when I mean “bottom”, aka, “the person receiving sensation in a scene. “ For all I know, you might be a Dom holding the leash with one hand and taking the paddle with the other. You get it. I’m not assuming your dynamic, and you are always invited to mentally adjust terminology to fit your identity and dynamic. If you’re not a “slave,” that’s fine. Adjust pronouns. Take what fits. Leave the rest. Again, I’m on your side. I just can’t always fit it all in one sentence.

On scope, sources, and limits

Everything I write rests on three intersecting pillars:

1. Academic literature — especially in psychology, neuroscience, sexology, trauma studies, and kink-informed clinical work.
2. Community discourse — online and offline, formal and informal
3. Lived experience — mine and those of my partners, colleagues, clients, and friends in the scene.

These pillars are never static. I’m not the kind of educator who clings to one theory because it worked in 2010. If new research comes out, or if someone smarter than me offers a better take, I’ll adjust.

All that to say: what I write reflects what I am aware of at the time of writing. While I will always strive to bring the most current information to y’all, I cannot guarantee that something I wrote five years ago will align perfectly with my current knowledge base.

So if you’re reading something I wrote a few years back and are wondering why it doesn’t match what I wrote in 2026, that’s probably a good thing. Just reach out instead of assuming bad intent. I welcome being corrected, especially if you bring sources. I’ll do my part by reviewing and revising my work on the regular.

Also: I am not a doctor. I am a sexologist with a background in psychology and trauma studies. While I am a professional, I am not your therapist, and I am not your healthcare provider. Use your own judgment, and talk to a professional if you’re dealing with something heavy.

On consent and framing

Consent is a recurring theme for a reason. Sometimes I write things like:

“Here’s how to brainwash your submissive into being a devoted, touch-starved little puppet with an oral fixation.”

When I say that, I am assuming:

• You’ve talked about it.
• You’ve negotiated roles, expectations, limits, and risks.
• You’ve gotten enthusiastic, informed consent.
• You’re aware that no dynamic is ever immune to re-negotiation, safewords, or evolving needs.
• You have already consented to said brainwash-puppeteering prior to partaking in any unhinged spiel.

My content may include elaborate, detailed descriptions of questionable how-tos, but step one is always to communicate, establish enthusiastic consent, and play safe. And if I ever sound like I’m skipping step one — I’m not. I just don’t want to write “only after extensive, informed, risk-aware negotiation” 47 times per article. So ssume it's baked in.

On Reflective Writing: Don't Do What I Do

Some posts on this site are essays. Some are educational guides. Some are reflections (and are labelled accordingly).

Pieces I post in the “Reflections” section are not how-to guides. They are brain rambles. A public journal, if you will. Sometimes I may share things I tried, things that worked, things that didn’t work, things that almost tore my heart open.

Use discernment.

What I do may not match your risk profile, and is certainly not replicable for everyone.

Again: Do not recklessly do what I do. Please. Communicate, consent, prioritize health and safety.

On representation and collaboration

I am acutely aware of the lack of voices from women and non-binary folks on this platform. I am working on partnering with more people to ensure diversity in my content. Until then, please know that my articles are reviewed by my partner and submissive, Saph, who will gladly call me out if I’m missing the mark. And if she doesn’t, I trust that one of you will.

I am also acutely aware of the lack of switch-focused content. The reason for this is simple: I am not a switch. Charlie isn’t a switch. Saph is technically a switch but doesn’t actually switch, and she would much rather bake a cake than write articles.

That said, I am actively working on partnering with switches to bring more relevant information into this space.

Same goes for everyone else who isn't a male Dom. You deserve to see yourself represented here, too. I’m working on that. In the meantime, please know that I invite collaboration, critique, and guest voices.

On kink, healing, and therapy

I am an active advocate for people who use kink as a tool to support their healing process, for growth and flourishing, and also for those who do it just for fun. Kink can absolutely be healing. It can help you process trauma, reclaim your body, rewrite old scripts. By explaining mechanisms or dynamics, I am not encouraging anyone to dive into intense practices without a thorough understanding of their own and their partner’s mind. Ideally, get support from a kink-aware mental health professional.

Kink can be therapeutic. It is not therapy. If you are dealing with trauma, anxiety, or any significant symptoms or diagnoses, I strongly recommend seeking therapy if you have the means to do so.

On sponsorship, promotion, and access

At the time of writing, while I do provide some paid services, I’m not sponsored by anything but late nights and a strong desire to give fellow kinksters a safe space.  If that ever changes, I will say so transparently.

As this platform grows, I commit to never promoting anything I don't believe in. I have no interest in pushing products I don’t use or pretending to like something because someone offered me a check. You’ll get full transparency, every time.

I’m also committed to keeping this space accessible. That means sliding scales, resource links, and free content like this one. If you need something and access is the issue, reach out. I’d rather find a way than let cost be a barrier. With that, I trust you folks to truly pay what you can afford when it comes to classes or consultation sessions I offer. If you can afford full prices, please stick to those. Only then am I able to offer a sliding scale to those who truly need it.

On accountability and correction

I will get things wrong. It’s not an “if” — it’s a “when.” That’s the cost of speaking openly.

If you notice a mistake, omission, or issue, here’s what I ask:

• Reach out. Ideally, do it nicely.
• Share your reasoning.
• Assume I meant well and that I’m just as willing to do things right as you are. I’ll do the same for you.

If you're right, I’ll update or clarify. If you're partially right, I’ll engage, adjust my wording and learn. If we disagree, I’ll tell you why, and then we can both think about it.

Kink has always been about community, and I am grateful to learn from the folks within it.

On values

This is not a “neutral” platform. I don’t do “both sides” of bigotry. If you’re here, you’re entering a space that is:

• Pro-LGBTQ+, pro-kink, and pro-consent.
• Actively anti-racist, anti-ableist, anti-misogynist, anti-antisemitic, and anti-anyone-should-be-hurt-for-who-they-are.

If that doesn’t sit right with you, you’re probably in the wrong corner of the internet.

All that said, ciao and play safe, folks. :)