New to kink? Start here.

Hello human,

If you're new to kink, or just curious, you're in the right place. This page is a simple starting point: what kink is, a few things worth knowing before anything else, and quick answers to the questions people ask most.

So on we go to the simple first few definitions.

What is kink?

Kink is an umbrella word for sexual and relationship practices that sit outside what is considered conventional: power exchange, restraint, sensation play, role play, and much more. It covers a huge range of people and interests. What holds it together, at its best, is that everyone involved has agreed to what happens.

Three things to know first

• Consent comes first, and it can change. Everyone involved agrees to what will happen, and anyone can pause or stop at any time.
• Talk before you play. Negotiating what you want, what you don't, and how you will check in is part of kink.
• Go slowly. You don't need to know all the terms or try everything. Curiosity is enough, and you can start with the conversation.

Quick answers

Definitions

• What does kink-aware mean?

  A kink-aware professional treats kink as a normal part of life and knows how to tell consensual practice apart from abuse.

• What does D/s mean?

  D/s stands for Dominance and submission: a relationship or dynamic in which people agree to an exchange of power, where one takes the Dominant role, and the other takes the submissive role.

• What is a kink coach, and how is it different from a therapist?

  A coach helps you plan, communicate, and explore. The process is often goal-oriented. A therapist is licensed to diagnose and treat mental health conditions. They do different jobs, and plenty of folks work with both in parallel.

• What do SSC mean in kink?

  SSC stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. It is an acronym for a consent modality used in the kink community.

• What is a safeword?

  A safeword is a pre-agreed word or signal that means "stop" or "slow down," whatever else is happening in the scene.

• What is kink negotiation?

  The conversation before play where everyone shares limits, desires, and expectations.

Consent and safety

• Is choking safe in BDSM?

  No. There is no way to choke someone that removes the risk of serious injury or death, however careful you are.

• What is aftercare?

  Aftercare is the time you take after a kink scene to check in, recover, and reconnect, physically and emotionally.

Kink and trauma

• What is trauma play in BDSM?

  Trauma play is the consensual reenactment of scenes or themes tied to past harm. People engage in it for different reasons, including processing, reclaiming agency, intensity, or finding meaning in something that once happened to them without their consent.

Finding support

• How do I find a trauma-aware kink coach?

  Look for someone who is clear about what coaching is and isn't, keeps control with you, never pushes you to share more than you're comfortable sharing, and refers you to a therapist when you need one.

Where to go next

• 10 Books Every Kink Beginner Should Read, Part 1
• 10 Books Every Kink Beginner Should Read, Part 2
• Navigating Different Aftercare Needs
• Looking For A Kink-Affirming Therapist? Start here.
• There Is No Safe Way To Choke Someone

If you would like to talk something through with someone, I do offer coaching sessions, and if you tell me you came to me from this article, I'll gladly offer you your first session at 25% off.

All that said, I wish you the best in your kink journey.

Welcome to Dominant Discourse.

Best,
Aidan