Explore our collection of articles, guides, and insights. From kink fundamentals to healing and personal growth, we cover it all.
Categories: Fundamentals, How-To: Dominants, How-To: Submissives, Reflections, Interviews
Interviews · October 7, 2026
I will never miss out on the opportunities to highlight my friends' and fellow colleagues' fantastic work. So here we are with an interview with Jess Helmer who is putting together something that was long missing in this field: a study on bondage injuries. Whether or not you're a bondage practitioner, please do take a read if you're curious about the kink research, harm reduction, or the simple (but no so simple) endeavor of being both researcher and community member. And if you are a practitioner... scroll to the end for the link to participate!
Reflections · October 7, 2026
I had Charlie strip out all his media use. Yes, all of it. Videos, shows, audiobooks, music... Okay, there are some exceptions, as you'll see below, but the good majority of it is gone. A lot has changed recently, and I'm sure we'll catch you all up in a future article, but this has been one of the biggest changes in our dynamic. Read up if you're curious about his experience facing his thoughts with no distractions...
Fundamentals · October 7, 2026
As appealing as it may sound, unfortunately, choking remains one of the riskiest practices. It is one of the few where the risk of serious injury or death remains present, as careful as one may be. So let's delve into the research.
How-To: Submissives · September 18, 2026
In this article, Charlie walks us through the ways being an athlete can positively influence one's submission. And vice-versa. If you're a sports enthusiast and are wondering how you can implement the things you learnt through your practice into your submission, this is the article for you.
How-To: Submissives · September 7, 2026
Saying that you want to feel “submissive” is a useful shorthand once you’ve known someone for a while. But if you’re starting anew with a new partner, can you accurately describe what that means for you? A good way to narrow it down is to ask yourself what specific thing triggers that state in you. Often, the answer's a lot more particular than the word suggests.
Reflections · August 19, 2026
What Doms Crave and Why They Don’t Say It.
How-To: Dominants · August 11, 2026
On Dominant self-trust, imposter syndrome, and the fear of being unqualified. I didn't have the best description for this one, but if you feel seen by the title itself, do have a read.
Reflections · July 17, 2026
Pillion. We've got a lot of opinions on Ray, yes, but what does a submissive think about him? How does a submissive interpret the movie's plot? Well, lucky me (and you, by extension), I've got one who can talk about it. So without further adue, I present Charlie's review of Pillion. Which I posted late. Again.
Fundamentals · June 17, 2026
Clinicians Should Read Them. And so should you.
How-To: Dominants · May 12, 2026
Not all mistakes are created equal. As a Dominant, part of your leadership role is discerning why a rule or expectation wasn’t met – was it an honest mistake, or a willful act of defiance? How you respond should take that into account. A sub who forgets to do something versus one who knowingly chooses not to do it requires different handling if you want to be fair and effective.
Reflections · April 27, 2026
A long (and late) end-of-year reflection by Charlie. This was written on time, but it took me much too long to upload it. That is entirely on me, but better late than never, hm? Here, Charlie reflects on his submission, his move to Europe, giving up bodily control, the highs and lows, moments of cozy comfort, and absolute insanity that 2025 brought us. So... Happy New Year?
Reflections · April 27, 2026
In this article, Charlie describes a new addition to protocol: a notebook! When both Dom and sub are eternally busy, finding ways to connect to the dynamic even when we're both stuck to our desks for hours at a time becomes increasingly important. One of the ways we've found quite helpful is using a notebook in which plans, goals, and little notes can be exchanged back and forth, helping us track progress throughout the day and assign (and keep track of!) tasks more efficiently.
How-To: Dominants · April 14, 2026
Correction doesn’t have to mean punishment. For the folks who, like me, just aren't fans of punishment, this article breaks down alternatives to punishment that can guide behavior just as effectively. Read on for ways to keep training your submissive through positive reinforcement, clear communication, and natural consequences.
How-To: Dominants · March 13, 2026
Contracts, lists, rules, protocols... So many things to look into, to read up on, to implement! It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when starting off and building the very start of your submissive’s training plan. Frenzy tends to do its thing, and before you know it, the to-do list is far longer than the can-do list. Let’s spare you the likely frustration, shall we? Go forth and read up on five common training mistakes new Doms make and how to avoid them.
How-To: Submissives · March 9, 2026
Submissive perfectionism is a familiar trap: wanting to serve flawlessly, then spiraling when you inevitably don’t. This article looks at how that mindset forms, how it can affect dynamics, and how submissives can step out of the loop. Charlie also shares a few tips for Dominants who remain confused about why their subs won’t believe them when they say they’re doing a good job.
Fundamentals · February 2, 2026
Aftercare is necessary. That part we know. We want to communicate, make sure we land softly, and help everyone feel safe, supported, and grounded again… But what happens if partners need drastically different things to get there? Well. I'm hoping this article can help.
Fundamentals · January 28, 2026
Seeking therapy can feel daunting when you're part of the kink or BDSM community. A kink-aware therapist understands that consensual kink is a valid form of sexuality and not a disorder, so you don't have to waste half the session teaching Kink 101 or defending your relationships. If you're not sure to where to find them, this starts you up with a few resources you can look into.
Reflections · December 31, 2025
A reflection on the past year. On growth, unfinished edges, and the responsibility of being trusted. Big shoes to fill, and yet I know they are my own. I'll meet myself again next year and we'll find our way there.
Fundamentals · December 31, 2025
Before you email me asking if I’ve lost my mind, read this. This piece is your orientation guide to Dominant Discourse. A glossary, disclaimer, and values statement all in one. If you’ve ever paused mid-article to think “wait, what does he mean by that?”, start here.
Fundamentals · October 31, 2025
Protocols are a beloved aspect of many D/s relationships. But what happens when a protocol’s shine fades? How do you know when a particular rule or ritual has run its course? Retiring a protocol can feel like a loss, but sometimes it’s exactly what your dynamic needs to stay healthy and engaging.
How-To: Submissives · October 21, 2025
Disagreement with your Dom will happen. Here's one way you can handle it. Charlie's EDI-IDE framework gives submissives a clear way to assess when to speak up and how to do it in a way that protects both your safety and the power dynamic.
How-To: Dominants · October 3, 2025
As Dominants, we often pride ourselves on endurance and control. There’s a bit of an unspoken myth that a “good Dom” can go on indefinitely, orchestrating the scene until the perfect climax, never wavering. Let’s bust that myth right now: knowing when to end a scene is a mark of a good Dom. If you're not sure how to go about that, don't worry. It's a skill like any other, and it's one you can learn. So do read up. We've got you.
How-To: Submissives · September 17, 2025
Self-care can feel impossible when you’re weighed down by executive dysfunction, low energy, or self-worth struggles. Many of us beat ourselves up for forgetting simple tasks like brushing our teeth or taking medication, even when we know how important they are. However, caring for yourself can be reframed as caring for your Dominant’s property. When self-care becomes an act of service, it shifts from a lonely chore into something meaningful and easier to follow through.
Reflections · September 12, 2025
This piece is a reflection on how I came to understand my dominance as more than a sexual preference, a hobby, or a role, but as part of who I am. It traces the pull toward structure, responsibility, and chosen order that has always shaped how I connect and love.
Fundamentals · August 25, 2025
Round number two. The second half of this list dives slightly deeper: how to navigate D/s when disability or chronic illness is part of the picture, keep power dynamics thriving long after the honeymoon phase, explore dominance without the ego trips, juggle polyamory and protocols without making everyone cry (unless they're into that), and find your place in the wider kink community.
Fundamentals · August 21, 2025
This is the part where we make sure your basics are solid. We cover the basics: how to negotiate, how to top, how to bottom. There's also some emotional housekeeping: what to do when your brain doesn’t behave, and how to explain kink to someone who thinks a sub is a sandwich (and panics when you explain why it's not). If you made it through these, you're already ten steps ahead of the folks who skip straight to rope and forget, oh right – communication.
How-To: Dominants · August 1, 2025
Dominants can crash too. Aftercare isn’t just for submissives, and learning how to ask for it can make or break your headspace after a scene. Here’s how to figure out what you need and advocate for it, all while still taking good care of your submissive before, during, and after the scene. And subs, we've got a few tips for you too.
How-To: Dominants · July 23, 2025
Curious about hypnosis as a tool for power exchange, arousal, or deepening D/s dynamics? I got you. Learn what trance really is, how it works, and how to use voice, presence, and suggestion to lead your partner into deeper states of surrender. With practical induction styles, safety tips, and scene ideas, this piece is for anyone ready to explore the mental side of control.
How-To: Dominants · June 15, 2025
Desire doesn’t disappear in long-term dynamics — but for many sadists, emotional intimacy can make it harder to act on. This post breaks down why love can seemingly dull the edge, what that hesitation really means, and how to rebuild trust in your own sadism without losing connection. This one's for anyone who’s ever thought, “I want to hurt them, but I care too much.”
Reflections · June 12, 2025
The hardest part wasn’t the rules or the rituals. It was staying steady through the chaos of healing. I knew my role wasn’t to fix him. It was to stay consistent, to guide him, and to be the thing that didn’t fall apart when he did. What I offered was a pillar he could lean on until he was strong enough to stand on his own. For me, that’s what Dominance is. Not power for its own sake, but the choice to keep showing up. Quietly. Firmly. And above all, reliably.
How-To: Submissives · June 11, 2025
Submission doesn’t have to end when a scene does. Sometimes it lives quietly in how we spend our time, what we create, or how we share it. Not every hobby needs to be tied to a dynamic, of course, but for some, blending service into everyday joy just feels right. This piece is for anyone curious about what it means to bring service into the hobbies they already love.
Fundamentals · June 8, 2025
Most people come to kink for intensity. Others come for healing. Some of us? A little of both.
How-To: Dominants · May 27, 2025
Some days you’re just not in the mood, but the dynamic still needs holding. This is about staying steady, giving clear direction, and leading without having to be “on” all the time.
How-To: Dominants · May 26, 2025
Most Dominants know when service feels off. Fewer can explain why. This isn’t a post about protocol. It’s about learning how to name what actually lands in your system—and how to teach it before resentment does the talking.
Fundamentals · May 20, 2025
You find kink, and suddenly it all feels possible. You want it now, and you want it fully. That rush has a name: frenzy. This article explains what Dom and sub frenzy really are, why they appear so quickly, and how to move through them without losing yourself or the dynamic you’re trying to build. If you’re feeling excited, overwhelmed, and a little bit obsessed, you’re not alone. Take a breather, read up. You'll be okay.
How-To: Dominants · May 16, 2025
When dominance stops feeling smooth, it’s easy to panic. If your partner hesitates, you might feel the urge to tighten your grip or react from fear. This guide explores ways you can hold your ground in those challenging moments by pausing, regulating, and reconnecting. Remember: anyone can lead when things are easy. The real test is how you show up when they’re not.
Reflections · May 14, 2025
I never thought a silly little app could interfere with something as meaningful as my submission. But somewhere between “just five more minutes” and “I’ll stop after this video,” it did. This isn’t a “quit social media” lecture; it’s just my honest story of how short-form content affected my servitude… and what happened when I finally hit delete.