A Look Inside A Submissive’s Notebook

Photo by VD Photography on Unsplash

Dynamics of all shapes and sizes find different ways to organize and maintain their roles in daily life. Some have intense structures that require multiple check ins, calendars, and list after list. Others might “go with the flow” and do whatever feels best in the moment. It’s hard to find a balance, and that balance will look different for everyone.

So, instead of telling you “what’s right or wrong”, I’m going to give an in-depth look into how we use a notebook as a way to keep track and find ways to serve my Master along with some recommendations if you’re interested.

My daily notebook:

My Master and I are busy as hell. I was about to go into why we’re so busy, but I’ve got too much to do to write it all down (and that’s not quite why you’re here). Uh, anyways.

Because our schedules our packed, sometimes it’s difficult to find ways to keep the dynamic present, and I began to notice a slip in my subspace.

That’s when we decided to add our daily notebook. If you’re on our newsletter or instagram, you’ll know what I’m talking about a bit already. Here is the link to post if you want a general overview.

Each morning, I wake up, do my morning routine, and sit down with my protein shake and begin to fill out the notebook. My very first step (aside from writing the date on top of the page), is checking in on the following:

Leash length

Leash length refers to the style of Dominance I’m craving that day. Writing “long leash” means I’m in the space for proactive service. I have enough energy and brain power to make some decisions on how I can serve. I don’t need as much guidance with tasks — I can be trusted to have a little more space and take care of myself well. On the other hand, “short leash” means I am looking for a heavier style of dominance. Leaning more towards reactive service, turning my brain off, and letting go of control. I want my Master to tell me exactly what He wants me to do.

This might sound like commanding from the bottom, but here’s what’s important to remember: I’m not making the final call. This notebook is not to tell my Master what I’m doing, it’s to get His permission. This is to give my Master a better understanding of the mindset I’m in and show Him how I feel I could enjoy subspace the most. So if I write I’m craving a longer leash, but He really needs me to be at his beck and call? Shorter leash it is. This works for us as a couple in a TPE dynamic.

———

Here’s an excerpt from my Master (aka Aidan) on how He views long leash service versus short leash:

A Dominant's Perspective

I kind of laughed when I saw Charlie mentioning that mentioning the leash length he craved could be seen as commanding from the bottom. Personally, I’ve found it quite useful. It tells me where his head is, and if I want to lead well, then I need to know whether I am working with a submissive who wants room to move freely inside his role, or a submissive who wants the relief of being held much more tightly.

At the end of the day, I own him, and the extent to which I manage his schedule does not change that. So when I think about "long leash" and "short leash," I do not think of them as opposites so much as different expressions of the same ownership.

A long leash means I’m giving him space for initiative. Now, it does not mean he is suddenly self-governing in some separate little republic, but it does mean I am giving him more room to exercise judgment within our structure. I still expect attentiveness. I still expect obedience. I still expect his choices to reflect the values and standards of the dynamic. The difference is that with a long leash, I don’t necessarily expect him to check in with me and ask for permission before taking up new tasks (although he does still do it, now and then, out of habit, and I sure don’t mind it).

In that space, I tend to lean into proactive service. I want him watching, thinking, noticing. I want him to anticipate where he can be useful without needing every step handed to him. That can look like managing his own routine well, identifying tasks that need doing, presenting solutions instead of waiting passively, or finding ways to make my life easier that show he’s paying attention. Long leash, the way I see it, asks for initiative, self-discipline, and a certain steadiness.

That kind of service appeals to me for a few reasons. First, I enjoy competence. I enjoy seeing a submissive think well and act well within my authority. There is something quite satisfying about watching someone take what I have taught them, internalize it, and use it intelligently. Second, long leash service often tells me a lot about the state of the dynamic and of his mindset. It shows me what he does when he has room.

It also changes the kind of tasks I am likely to give.

On a longer leash day, I am less interested in micromanaging the minute details unless there is a specific reason to do so. I might give broader expectations and let him determine the execution. I may tell him to make himself useful, tend to his responsibilities, prepare something for me, improve some part of his routine, handle specific house maintenance tasks, work in the garden for however long he wants (rather than giving him a timeframe or expecting him to suggest one)… I may want updates, but I do not necessarily need to script every move. Previously, long leash days were somewhat of a test of internalization. I would ask myself whether the dynamic had settled into him deeply enough that he could carry it without constant prompting. Now, I know he can, so I allow him some wiggle room to go about his days, because I know I can trust him to stay within the boundaries I set out for him, and because, in all transparency, I believe it’s good for him to run around freely, at his impulses’ whims, at times.

A short leash works for days where I want closer control and much less interpretation. Sometimes that is because he is craving the relief of not having to decide. Sometimes it is because I want more immediacy, more obedience, more closeness. And sometimes I can tell that giving him too much room would leave him floating in his own head, and I sure know he’s an overthinker so it’s not his favorite place to be.

So I have him check in more. And I check in with him more. I ask him what he’s doing more often, and I aim to know what he’s doing at all times.

In that mode, I am less interested in seeing what he chooses and more interested in how well he can pay attention. I want him responding rather than initiating. I want more direct call and response. I want the burden of decision-making taken away from him so that his job becomes much simpler: listen, receive, obey, report back, remain available. This works well when he has a lot to do on a busy work day, and when done, needs to just put his brain in a state of docile obedience, without a thought. A short leash can be very calming for a him when his thoughts are loud, when he’s too tired to weigh pros and cons of decisions, when he’s feeling scattered, overwhelmed, or just… really submissive. It doesn’t have to be a fix. Sometimes, we just crave more of that call and response intensity.

It can also be deeply satisfying for me as a Dominant because it lets me take a firmer hold of the dynamic and feel my authority more clearly.

The tasks I give on short leash days are usually more specific, more immediate, and more dependent on my preferences in that exact moment. I may tell him what to wear, where to sit, when to check in, what order to do things in, what task to complete first, how quickly I expect a response... There is less room for his own interpretation because I don’t expect him to interpret anything.

TLDR (although this is in the midst of this article, so I assume you’re reading):

If he tells me he is craving a long leash, I read that as: he has the energy to think, to move, to take initiative, and would likely enjoy using his service in a more proactive way. If he tells me he is craving a short leash, I read that as: he wants to be held more tightly, think less, and feel my authority in a more immediate and explicit form. Those distinctions tell me where his path into subspace may be smoother, where his obedience may come more naturally, and where the dynamic may feel most satisfying for both of us.

That said (and as he said), his craving is not the sole deciding factor. I still have my own needs, my own energy, and my own intentions for the dynamic that day. There are days where he may want a longer leash and I have absolutely no interest in giving him one because I want him close, responsive, and under more direct control. There are other days where he may want a short leash, but I know he actually needs the discipline of self-management and the growth that comes from holding himself properly with less hand-holding, even when he’s having a hard day. So, I do just that.

Back to Charlie now.

———

What's in the Notebook?

Here are the things I add in my daily notebook check-ins:

1. Spoons/tickets

If you’re neurodivergent (or just online in those spaces), you may have heard these terms before. This is not something we made! You might hear someone say “I have NO spoons left for the day.” Spoons refers to how much energy or motivation a person has left, similar to saying “I’ve got no gas in my tank. I’m exhausted.” Why is it spoons? I have no clue. You could make it straws, forks, or gorillas for all I care.

Usually after waking up, I will have a pretty good idea on how many spoons I’ll have for the day. Some days I’m really exhausted, either physically or mentally, and I just don’t have it in me to do a bunch of tasks along with my 9-5 job. That’s a “low spoon” day.

A “high spoon” day is a day where I’m feeling great to serve! I’m in a heavy level of subspace and have plenty of energy to complete any kind of task for my Master. Of course, just like the leash, it’s not always so black and white. Medium amount of spoons or any other way to quantify it work just as well.

We just added in another part to this section, and that’s tickets.  Spoons can be for anything. Tickets, unlike spoons, are for very specific tasks.

On days where we go to the gym, I usually don’t have spoons for manual labor, one of my primary ways of serving my Master. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the energy to still serve. In this case, I might write “low amount of spoons, good amount of tickets for desk tasks (desk tasks can be helping out with Dominant Discourse, researching something for Him, etc etc). Somedays it’s the opposite, where I’ll have high tickets for changing lightbulbs, shredding wood, etc, but I’m sick of looking at my screen.

Navigating between tickets and spoons helps my Master find ways that I can serve that benefit Him while avoiding burn out on my end. It has been super helpful on our dynamic for Him to know when He can be a little harsher with me while also recognizing when some softness may be needed.

There will always be moments where I have to suck it up and do a task I don’t have energy for. I can’t NOT take the trash out on trash day, no matter how many spoons I have left.

2. Service time

This one is fairly straight forward. “Service time” designates how much time I’ll have left to serve Master AFTER everything on my list is completed. It’s a hard one to predict, but it gives my Master a general guideline as to how much more He can give me in a day.

Usually I can add an extra 30 minutes to an hour of service time to my daily schedule if He has anything specific in mind. I also have written “flexible schedule” when I’ve filled up my day with tasks that aren’t a necessity or when I’m a bit lighter on work. I’m thankful that I have a job that allows me to take breaks in the day and move my hours around a bit. So unless I have a big due date coming up, I can plan my work around my Master’s needs.

Writing “no extra time” is okay too. Certain days are just too busy or time spans have too little spoons.

3. To-do List

After these three are listed, now we get on to the main list. From here on out, it’s very similar to a normal to-do list. I’ll usually start by writing my “must dos” by the end of the day first:

• Work (Meeting at 6pm)
• Take trash out
• Reply to “___” email

I’ll always designate when I have specific meetings for work so He knows when I NEED to be at my desk uninterrupted.

Then, I always have a few daily goals I try to reach:

• Walk 6k steps
• Do 30 minutes of language learning

These are staples that I am expected to do pretty much daily. I have to request permission NOT to have them on my schedule if the day is too busy or some other circumstances apply (I had a 103 degree Fahrenheit fever a couple weeks back. Safe to say my Master didn’t care how many steps I was taking then).

Optional Goals/Tasks

Next, I add in some extra goals/tasks that I have for the day if time allows. Example:

• Peel off wall paper
• Write an article for Dominant Discourse
• Talk with Saph about hotel bookings

The last part of my “to do” list is everything that I want to personally do that aligns more with my interests/wants outside the dynamic. Just because it’s last doesn’t mean it’s the lowest priority. Aidan is very good at recognizing when I could use a little fun or solo time.  While it may not directly serve Him, it’s extremely important for my overall well-being (which in correlation, also allows me to serve Him better. So it’s a win-win). There have even been times where He’s prioritized this category over other tasks for Him.

• If time, draw a bit
• Play “x” game
• Longer bath?

The next section is all about reminders. Before we started this notebook, Aidan would tell me a way I could be serving. A couple days later, I’d forget, the task wouldn’t be done, and I’d be requesting service tasks again without completing anything. So along with a to do list, I serve as a reminder list.

I’ll occasionally have a section that lets Him know what I plan to do by the end of the week that I’m keeping in mind. There’s always a day where He has asked me to do something and I just don’t have the time. The notebook is a good way to keep track so Aidan knows it’s still on my mind and I’ll get the task done within a time frame. I can also refer back to this section in later days if I have some free space to get more done.

4. Miscellaneous Notes

Then, I serve as a reminder for HIM as well, not just me. My Master tells me to “remind Him about xyz,” but sometimes, I never actually remind Him, even if it was literally noted down in my phone. Now, when He asks me to remind Him, I’ll jot it down on my phone, and the next morning, sit and directly write all the reminders in my notebook. The difference? Now I have time set aside specifically to write down what He’s asked and all of it is there in front of Him, ready to read at His own discretion.

Sometimes I’ll also have a question or two to ask, or even a request from Him. Those I’ll jot here as well:

• If You have a moment, can You proofread this email?
• Last night, You said __. Can You clarify what this means please?

Finally, I cap it off with a short compliment or positive comment. This reminds my Master how much I truly enjoy being His submissive and love Him, and gives Aidan a quick pick-me-up— He’s pretty grumpy in the mornings. Waking up is hard, y’all.

5. His Responses:

When I’m done with my writings for the morning, I’ll either hand the notebook directly to my Master or place it on His desk so He can take a look at it before starting work.

From there, He’ll go through and approve each section, changing or adding anything He wants. He’ll sometimes use a full page to respond as well if He has very specific tasks in mind or answers to give me. It’s pretty flexible on His end.

———

We go in with the mindset that schedules will change, energy will be lost, and life happens. I’ll always update my Master if a task is taking longer than I thought and I’m running out of time in the day. He’ll let me know if something comes up on His end and we need to reprioritize. We went into this with the promise that this notebook is to aid in our dynamic, not control it. The notebook is not the Dominant, and I’m not a machine that can complete a task on a whim to perfection.

There are days that are so busy for my Master He doesn’t get the chance to approve and respond to my list. On those days, I’ll take the notebook back and follow what I’ve written as if it’s approved. We have been a dynamic long enough where He can be lenient at times with His direct commands and He’ll know I’ll still follow protocol. If you’re a submissive in a fresh dynamic, I recommend asking your Dominant what they’d like you to do in this circumstance. All Doms have different preferences on the best way to serve them.

That encapsulates what we write down pretty heavily! As a side note, all of this takes around 2 pages of a 143x205mm (~5.6x8in) notebook. I’m not writing pages upon pages every day. I’d estimate that this takes me around 15-20 minutes every morning to complete, if that. Here’s a full example to showcase everything I just mentioned (some slight alterations have been made for clarity and privacy):

06/04:

• Longer Leash
• Lots of spoons
• 15-20 minutes of service available
• work
• Finish Resume updates
• Podcast Reel for Dominant Discourse
• Start personal case study
• Send post template to “___”
• Clean up downstairs +Vacuum
• Shred Wood (Update: Garden, can’t shred today)
• 30 minute language learning
• 6k steps
• Start drafting Your poem
• Message people back
• Reach out to “__”
• Look at “___” work
• If time, creative time!

I know this is a lot, and I don’t know if I can get all this done, but I’ll do what I can! I look forward to serving You today.

His Response (summarized):

Yes, do what you can. All approved. (Insert cute thing He said that I’m too flustered to write. And no. Not that kind of thing. Get your mind out of the gutter).

Task for whenever time/spoons allow:

• Make list of all the places you want to network with*

Guess what? I did accomplish everything that day! This day was a lot more jam-packed than others. Adjust to your own schedule and spoons!

———

Also, at the back of the book, I have written down ways that I can serve that have no immediate deadlines or require long term planning. This allows me to check in with any bigger goals He’s set aside for me or even pick up a smaller thing here or there on lighter service days. You’ll see the example from His response here now:

• Learn to snake drains
• Research better methods for composting
• Find people to network with

———

Things to Keep in Mind:

It can be difficult to see when there are empty boxes unchecked or all of your plans for the day crumble, but we need to remind ourselves that a to-do list is not an indicator of how our day will go. There have been points where I woke up with 0 spoons and a few hours later, I feel like I have infinite spoons. Vice versa as well. The important part is to keep communication open and remain flexible.

Aidan has also made sure that I know there is no punishment associated with the list. I’m a very motivated slave who likes to work, so He knows that if I don’t get something done, I either tried my best or something got in the way. If it’s an important task, we move it to the next day. About two months in, and we have never had a situation where I just decided not to do something on the list “because”. While you and your Dom/sub can do this however you please, I highly recommend not associating punishments with this list. It should be a collaborative experience to help your dynamic and production within it, so only add punishments if you think it works for YOUR situation.

My last recommendation is to get a physical notebook if you are able to. Sure, a phone or computer to-do list works, but there are multiple ways to easily get distracted on devices, and most people are on their screens for a good chunk of the day already.

A notebook gives you a space just for your dynamic and thoughts. It also has forced me to slow down in the mornings. For better or worse, writing requires way more effort, so you really do need to take your time and think about it versus text or typing. Drinking my shake in the morning and having some time away from technology first thing really helps my mindfulness through the day. No notifications, no distractions, no work. Just paper! It has also improved my handwriting, something my Master has wanted me to practice for a while. I understand notebooks aren’t feasible for everyone, but if you can or enjoy writing and got a couple bucks to spare, I say go for a notebook or something similar. You might be surprised how nice a notebook feels in comparison to a phone.

Submissive’s Reflection:

As a more personal anecdote, I really struggle with the concept of time. In a way, I’m fearful of it. I have always felt like I was wasting time or didn’t have enough of it. These thoughts crept their way in while I was doomscrolling or crazily, just “sitting there”.

I had goals that always felt unachievable, even when, with a little time or effort, they were actually pretty realistic. But I couldn’t stop thinking, “I don’t have enough time in the day. I have so much to do, and I will never have a chance to accomplish these things.”

This notebook has been a source of personal growth for me. It has made me realize that I really can accomplish quite a bit, and there is time, even in just 24 hours! I went from taking 15-20 minute breaks between tasks, scrolling on social media or watching videos that I wasn’t actually interested in, to finding small things to do to keep myself occupied. Even if being occupied means “lying down and resting.”

Of course I still watch a video here or there, like the occasional post. Now, it’s with intention instead of mindlessness. Those 15-20-minute breaks quickly added up, and I realized I was losing around 2 hours a day just sitting there being bored.

My productivity has gone up, but so has my free time. Since starting this notebook, I have had more time for my hobbies because I’m setting time aside and getting permission from my Master to do them. I’m motivated to continue learning things because my Master now expects me to. I was really concerned about this notebook becoming a stressor to get a ton done, but if anything, it’s taught me how to utilize time to the fullest extent while not pressuring myself to “take advantage of every minute of every day.”

It’s been the perfect balance for me. I’m rested and ready to go!

As for my role as a slave, I know I have been a better submissive since we started this. I am able to communicate how I’m feeling in my subspace to a far greater extent, something I had difficulties with before. My Master knows exactly what I’ll be doing and when, making Him feel more in control without the need to interrupt His schedule to check in. We’ve been working on ways to strengthen our dynamic despite the busy days and after trying it for a while now, I can confidently say this notebook has been an amazing addition to our protocol.